Helen M. Kirkmire

Kirkmire, Helen M.
Rochester: June 13, 2013 at age 85. She is predeceased by her husband, Lyle. She is survived by her children, Judy Bullock, Mary Jo (Bob) Rockell, John, Joyce, Diane (Jeff) Schinzing, Gary (Dorraine), Kathy (Joe) Raimondi; 18 grandchildren; 15 great-grandchildren; & many nieces & nephews.
Service and Interment private.

Mom was the center of our family universe, deserving of the great love and support surrounding her in her final moments. She had survived a broken hip, cataract surgery, gallbladder removal, spleen removal, knocked out by hanging plant (ask Diane), lungs cleaned, wrist fractured, platelets imbalanced, a toxic mesh, high blood pressure, loss of bladder control, black licorice, shopaholism, cooties, donuts and all-night TV. In the meantime, we had years to prepare for her leaving us, yet these extra moments with her created ever more connections and letting go has become even more difficult.

There are images from grade school, first communion, high school, straight A report cards, and stories of young Helen hiding in a closet from a tornado whirling down Lyle Avenue, which in a way was to be a preview of things to come… She graduated from Nazareth Academy and Nazareth High School, worked downtown in the main Kodak offices, met a co-worker's brother Lyle on a blind date, they wed at Blessed Sacrament, had a reception at her parent's home on Morningside Park, bought their first and only home on Allandale Avenue 60 years ago. Her married life centered on feeding, clothing and raising seven irreverent children and was as constantly demanding and emotionally draining as imagined.

My mother had chosen a decent man who seemed to fix up the house year round and her on the holidays. From what we can tell, they smooched it up at Christmas (Mary Jo, John, Joyce, Diane), 4th of July sparkles created Judy; Kathy was from the night of the shooting stars in early August, an Italian tradition. Halloween produced Gary, no surprise back then. (Actually he was probably conceived on her October 22 birthday, which allows him an extra scoop from the urn.) Continuing down their holiday boulevard, Helen and Lyle's greatest parenting achievement was Christmas and birthdays -- at this they excelled in magical proportions. These were the happiest days of our childhood in a crazily cramped, chaotic, overpopulated I-have-to-go-now! one-bathroom home. While Lyle taught us by example how to hammer and how to get hammered, she is the one who nailed down the family stability.

When we were children we'd hear her moaning things like, "Jesus, Mary and Joseph!" which was her way of contrasting the holy family with the holes in her family. She sent us to a catholic grammar school so that we might understand her comments more clearly; she forced us to go to church and communion so that we might develop a belief beyond TV and sugar smacks. As we got older and stumbled out in many directions, she knew we would still need one clear, constant direction – which was a straight path back to her comfort and understanding. She never preached, but she did teach by example – showing us that love was the essential ingredient for daily living and the foundation for all that matters. It wasn't until we became parents ourselves that her impact on our lives really hit home. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, she did a miraculous job with this whole family.

Highlights of her older life consisted of working in the dead of night at Tops Bakery until she was 80, watching her family grow, living with Diane and Jeff and their children, and many buying sprees, which generously supplied everyone with gizmos and gifts aplenty for birthdays and Christmas. Over time she drained her credit cards as fast as Lyle had drained his beer, but enjoyed it even more (until the bills came). She also enjoyed interacting and caring for others, mastering crosswords, the daily chronicle, and especially game night, which showed everyone how fun and funny a family can be, and which of her children picked up the hammer gene.

Our mother experienced the loss of her mother, her father, sisters and brothers, relatives, friends, husband, neighbors – but she managed to maintain a positive nature and equilibrium to continue on without bitterness or overwhelmed by sadness. She made a selfless effort for her remaining time here to count for something, whether lending an ear, or money, or shelter, or food, or just being there as a stable grounding force for others to rely on and sponge off of occasionally. For many of us she is and will be the best woman we will ever know and much more than the facts that framed her life.

When a mother dies the remaining family often disperses into separate worlds. But in our family, there still exists a deep seeded bond, an umbilical connection of her continuing presence at the core of each of us. And for this we can thank her for an eternity; without her we will need one another more than ever.

The most esteemed place one can be buried is in the hearts of others; mom, we see you in all of the people whose lives you graciously touched -- you are safe and secure inside of us forever and evermore.

And we can also take some comfort in knowing how much you liked the graveyard shift, and noting that dad has been sober for 27 years – your possibilities in paradise are infinite.




To view a memorial video (copy and paste the website into the address bar) visit:?
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http://helenkirkmire.weebly.com/


Grandchildren: Kim, Alissa, Joe, Rob, Erikka, Kari, Jeremy, Kelly, Jennifer, Chelsea, Chloe, Jeffery, Kayleigh, Ashley, Joey, Jeffrey, Jayson, Alysha.
Great-Grandchildren: Christopher, Robert, Dylan, Kristin, Kiorra, Ryan, Kayla, Alex, Jolina, Aimey, Rosie, McKayla, Gabbie, Mason, Sydney...